Milk, eggs, butter, Muzak
Publix, you're disappointing me. While doing the weekly shopping (which I hate) yesterday, I looked forward to enjoying the incredibly hip Muzak you pipe in (which I love). You've introduced me to new songs that have become guilty pleasures ("Irresistible" by The Corrs; so shamefully catchy that I joined the girl at the deli, singing along) and you've brought me back to old, seemingly forgotten favorites that I'd filed away in the dusty corners of my mind ("Save It For A Rainy Day" by Stephen Bishop - ah, those glorious '70s childhood summers so long ago). Every time I push my shiny cart through the automatic doors, I think to myself "What does the Publix playlist sensei have in store for ME today?" Gliding along through the miles of aisles, my ears remain ever-alert for that special song - the one that will have me whipping out my checkbook, furiously scribbling down lyrics or an artist that I recognize or a song title. I'll do what it takes to later rush home, seek out the Song Du Jour online and download that baby onto iTunes. Pure joy!Publix, let's talk. One reason I shop you instead of Atlanta's other main grocer, Kroger, is that I cannot *stand* KRGR Radio, the in-store music/announcement service your competition uses. Between some truly awful '80s-era soft rock/ballad selections (Michael Effing Bolton comes to mind), KRGR Radio breaks in to remind us that Dinty Moore canned beef stew is on sale this week for only 89 cents. Even FM radio affords listeners the pleasure of the six-song rock block, at the bare minimum, before making with the yak-yak ads. Publix, you gave me an hour's worth of uninterrupted sonic immersion while I comparison-shopped in the cereal aisle. We had something unique. We had a shared love of music, rare among a chain grocery store and a patron. It was our thing.
And then... yesterday. Not to land a gut-punch at the start - and I know you're trying to please all segments of your shopping demographic - but when I swooshed through the front doors out of the icky, chilly, rainy Saturday sog I expected, say, the dulcet tones of Travis' "Why Does It Always Rain On Me." Admittedly, that was a tall order but you've played it before when I was trolling the dairy cooler and I've never looked at 2% milk the same way since. But I didn't get Travis. I got Billy Joel. Specifically, I got "An Innocent Man," a Billy Joel song that should be outlawed from public (or Publix) airplay. Okay, I told myself, this is just a minor annoyance. I'll live through this. It's a perfect time to shop the detergent aisle. I hate shopping the detergent aisle - almost as much as I hate that song.
My allergies kicking in thanks to the smell of Cheer mixed with Tide mixed with Fab as the Piano Man whined on, I mentally ran through the list of Publix's Smash Hits I'd heard in-store: The Cardigans' "Rise And Shine" (which literally got me to stop fondling tomatoes for freshness in Produce and stand there, slackjawed, in disbelief that a chain store would be so cool as to play The Cardigans)... John Mayer's "Why Georgia" and "No Such Thing" (yeah, yeah - Mayer is sort of readymade for supermarket play but would you rather buy your lunch meat listening to Richard "Endless Summer Nights" Marx?)... Shawn Colvin's "Round Of Blues" (hip mom music to buy Skippy to)... the aforementioned Travis song... Snow Patrol's "Chasing Cars" (SNOW PATROL! in the snacks aisle! *swoon*)... Chicago's "Street Player" (this put me in such a '70s frame of mind that I bought Rice-A-Roni; I'm not kidding)... The Fray's "How To Save A Life" (yes, it's overplayed but it takes on a whole new life when you're pondering whether to go with Folgers or Maxwell House)... the list literally goes on and on.
Until yesterday. Oh, all wasn't lost. Once Billy Joel finally shut up, "Why Georgia" bubbled forth from the speakers as I piled the really good stuff - milk, snacks, cheese - into my cart and I relaxed, feeling happy that all was once again right with the world.
And then... then... a COMMERCIAL?!!!
Not unlike KRGR Radio's "Buy Dinty Moore" spots, Publix now interrupts the music flow with "Make Your Meals Memorable, Publix Shoppers, By Adding Asiago Cheese Bread From Our Specialty Bakery To Your Menu" promos.
This. Is. Unacceptable.
Look, Publix, here's the deal: First off, we can't HEAR the "Memorable Meals" bits because, in case you forgot, you're piping them into a supermarket. Supermarkets are strangely quiet, yet full of the kind of white noise that drowns out everything but... MUSIC. The music moves us. It shepherds us from deli to bakery, from fresh meats to dairy, from produce to pharmacy. Get the picture? When you break it up to push asiago cheese bread sales on us, you're throwing off our natural grocery store flow. Stop it. Stop it now or I'll start being one of those people who wears her iPod Shuffle right into the store in order to groove to my own beats. And I don't use those wanky little earPods, so you'll have me in there rocking disco cans while I ask for a rotisserrie lemon pepper chicken. Don't think I won't do it, either.
Publix, I'm not asking for much here. Just give me back my shopping music without interruption. Remind me why Publix is Where Shopping Is A Pleasure and reverse this need to make Publix the store Where Shopping Is A Pressure.
posted by rekkidbraka @ 11:19 AM
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